Curveball At 12 O'clock

Some of you have probably noticed that I haven't been blogging or visiting your blogs very much lately. At first, I was kinda in a funk and was just keeping myself busy doing other things, then Mr. Hairball came home last month with some bad news. His employer has decided not to renew his contract at work, which means that he will be out of job in a few months.

Even in a good economy, his field is highly competitive and there are always more people than jobs to go around. Needless to say, we were not happy at this turn of events. He's already found some positions he can apply for and is spending his evenings looking for another job.

I've already informed some of my relatives which really is a trying experience to say the least. While I've explained this to my relatives numerous times, they still don't understand that the rules for finding a job in career field A can be very different than the rules for finding a job in career field B. I'm all for thinking outside of the box, but if the employers in your field are box people, you gotta learn to play their game unless you are in the enviable position of being a hot commodity. If one of my relatives tells me one more time that Mr. Hairball just needs to do XYZ, which is something that is just not done in his field, I think I'm going to scream.

Here's the deal, I don't want this to become the main topic of my blog because you all have your own problems to worry about. Also, the way things work in Mr. Hairball's field is that you hurry to get all your stuff in and then you ever so impatiently wait for news. We likely won't know anything till January (yes, January!) at the earliest. If I get five or more comments saying that you want to know what happens, I'll do a post when I know something. If less than five of you are interested, then you can always email me (check my profile) and I will email you back when I know something. Deal?

Okay, now lets make some cookies as butter, pecans, and chocolate chips are the cure for everything that ails you!! Whoot!

Gagstastic emails part XIV-More Sisterchick Nonsense

Thanks to my non-sisterchick friend Rosie, who shared this gagtastic email with me for my series. I predict that your fondest culinary dream will come to pass in exactly nine minutes if you stand on your head and cluck like a chicken. Whoot!

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~"Oh Crap, She's up!"

Sister, life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.

Yes, you should treat your loved ones right and I suggest starting right now by not sending gagtastic emails.

Love the ones who don't just because you can.

Be sure and act very smug while doing so.

Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

We've talked about this before, but obviously you need to be severely beaten about the head and shoulders reminded again. When someone is having a hard time or has suffered a loss of some sort, they don't want an overcaffeinated cheerleader burbling about how God wants you to be unemployed or have cancer, or whatever they happen to be facing at that moment. You can sit with them if they want to cry, lend an ear if they feel like talking, take them somewhere to blow off steam, bring over some dinner, or even help out by walking the dog or watching the kids, but don't pat them on the shoulder and vomit platitudes in their face. Got it?

Today is sister's day,send this to all your sisters, mothers, daughters, girlfriends even me if I am like one. If you get back 7, you are loved.

Yep, you are loved by a pack of idiots who believe every crackpot urban legend and conspiracy theory they ever met. Aren't you proud?

Happy Sister's Day!

I LOVE YA SISTA'!!! :-)

Somehow, I doubt that...

Girlfriend and Sister's Week
I am only as strong as the chocolate I eat, the hair spray I use and the friends I have. To the cool women that have touched my life... Here's to you!

Um not to be nit-picky or anything, but earlier you were talking about God, and now he's missing from your list of what makes you strong?!? *boggle*

National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls? Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

Well, we would probably spend less money on shopping, eating out, and traveling. Personally, being in a car full of sisterchicks for more than 3 seconds sounds like Hell on earth to me. I'm obviously missing the sisterchick gene. *shrugs*

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!

If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend... Be Happy!

I won't be receiving multiple copies of this as I don't forward this kind of junk to others. My small circle of friends thinks these emails are beyond stupid.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU! It is good to be a woman.

I'm so tired of the giggly idiot = woman equation you keep hawking. If I wave something shiny in your face will you promise to get all distracted and leave?

Gagstastic emails part XIII-The Clock

To so many great women that I know and love. cheers to you!!!!

Crap!!!

The Clock - read all the way to the end (SO TRUE)

God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED: To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Well, duh! If the process of living doesn't shape and change you into a better person along the way, you're doing it wrong.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

NOW YOU'RE ON THE CLOCK!!!!

Oh goody, here comes the sisterchick emotional blackmail garbage.

IN 9 MINUTES SOMETHING WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY,

It doesn't take nine minutes to delete this crap.

BUT YOU HAVE TO TELL 9 SISTERS YOU LOVE THEM, INCLUDING ME. GO!!!!

How about I tell you a really lame joke? How do you keep an idiot in suspense?


I'll tell you tomorrow. *rim shot*

One Flaw In Women

One? Just one? *laughs hysterically* Did you not attend high school?

Women have strengths that amaze men.

Not this old crap again!

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

...And men don't??

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

And urine! BRB

They smile when they want to scream.

Yeah, ignoring your feelings is really a healthy way to live.

They sing when they want to cry.

Uh, no. I cry when I want to cry. Pretending to be happy when you are miserable is a really bad idea for anybody.

They cry when they are happy

Okay, I'll give you this one. Sometimes you can have 'tears of joy'.

and laugh when they are nervous.

Some men do that too.

They fight for what they believe in.

As do men...

They stand up to injustice.

Once again, so do men.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

Again, this is not exclusive to women.

They go without so their family can have.

Sorry, Charlie. I don't think it's a good idea to encourage women to play martyr like that. Sooner or later she's going to get very angry when nobody notices her sacrifices and praises her for it. Work it out so that one person doesn't always get the old, cold tater.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

Once again this is not exclusive to women. Men can also be very nurturing to those they care about.

They love unconditionally.

Men are also capable of this. Haven't you ever seen a devoted father with his chronically ill child?

They cry when their children excel

Have you never been to a graduation and seen the fathers struggling to hold back tears when their child graduates??

and cheer when their friends get awards.

Ditto for the guys.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding

Look, the average guy may not be so big on all the wedding details or baby showers, but they want their friends and family to be happy just like women. To be honest, *I* could go the rest of my life without attending another baby or bridal shower as I find them pretty boring, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy for the people involved.

Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member,

And men don't grieve?? It make look different than your grief, but it's still grief.

yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

Once again, this is not exclusive to women.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

The average man may not be as openly affectionate as the average woman, but sometimes it's nice to just have somebody sit quietly with you and support you just by being there.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

Men, on the other hand, are androids made in huge factories.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

Yeah, you never hear stories about guys giving kidneys to their best friends, helping relatives move to third floor walk-up apartments, or sending flowers every year to their mothers on her birthday. Who would want that, when you can get a whole slew of idiotic chain emails everyday that threaten emotional blackmail if you don't return them ASAP?

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

Dammit! now I've got that idiotic song in my head.

They bring joy, hope and love.

Can you pick up a pizza too? I don't feel like cooking tonight.

They have compassion and ideas.

So all men are idiotic jerks?? That's nice...

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Are all the men you know narcissistic jerks? I really want to know, as you have obviously decided that only women possess positive attributes.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

Yeah, it was really vital that you sent this email to me.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

They like to send these stupid emails!!

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

So they must receive 5000 idiotic emails to prop up their practically nonexistent self-esteem? I'm begging you to seek professional help if getting these emails is what gets you through the day.

Please pass this along to all your women friends and relatives to remind them just how amazing they are.

If you really do think you are absolute crap, getting this email is not going to change anything.

Feedjit Foolishness II

I was browsing over my Feedjit results and discovered a couple that I'd like to share with you. I'm always very interested in the search terms that bring people over to HOTCOL. I'll warn you that part of today's edition is possibly NSFW.







SPOILER SPACE







Warminster, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on "Hairballs on the Carpet of Life" by searching for dessert hairball recipe.

This had me really puzzled and a bit queasy at first, but I found a Halloween recipe for a Hairball Salad With Saliva Dressing . I'm going to assume that this person had an actual dessert in mind and will not be chowing down on what the cat coughed up.

Sunnyvale, California arrived from google.com on "Hairballs on the Carpet of Life: Gagstastic emails part V" by searching for wife hairball vagina.

Wow! I mean, um... gee....


*stares at wall and blinks rapidly*


Um, did you actually have sex ed, or are you just making it up as you go along?


*stares at wall and blinks rapidly again*


So...um... do you insert them?


Do you tape them on like some bizarre version of a merkin?


Please tell me that your wife doesn't pretend to give birth to them?


Just how drunk or high does one have to be to get to a place where this sounds like a good thing to do?


You know, I've cleaned up my fair share of hairballs and I can honestly say that I've never once looked at one and thought...

Broken Beater Strikes Again

Dear KitchenAid,

I really hate the "turbo" beaters you are using on your hand mixers. I gave you the benefit of the doubt the last time and replaced the broken beaters, but this is just ridiculous.




I'm an avid home baker, and if your beaters can't "Mix Cookie Dough Easily", there is no reason for me to have a KitchenAid hand mixer.

Sincerely,
Hairball T. Hairball

Flashback Friday!

Here's a few mysteries that I recently added to my DVD collection. There's a link under each movie to its IMDB page with pictures and other information about each film.


Murder On The Orient Express- 1974


Murder By Death-1976


Death On The Nile-1978


Evil Under The Sun-1982




Have a good weekend!!

Gagtastic email part XIII- The Little Things

If you are in mourning right now, you better skip this one.

____________________________________________

The ' L I T T L E ' Things~



As you might remember, the head of a company survived
9/11 because his son started kindergarten.



Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.



One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.



One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.



One of them
Missed his bus.



One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.



One's
Car wouldn't start.



One couldn't
Get a taxi.



The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.



He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..




Now when I am
Stuck in traffic ,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone ...
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be
At this very moment..



Next time your morning seems to be
Going wrong ,



You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
God is at work watching over you.



May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.



Pass this on to someone else, if you'd like. There is NO LUCK attached.
If you delete this, it's okay: God's Love Is Not Dependent On E-Mail!!
(that's the cool part)



A M E N


*sighs and shakes head*

The next time you have a personal tragedy in your life, I'm going to take the high road and offer you my condolences. You see, most people consider it rude to tell a person that if God liked you or your loved one(s) a little better, he would have prevented your personal tragedy.


PS: I thought we had this all settled after you sent that last email.

Couch Potato

Back when I was a college student, I bought a faux leather love seat when a friend and I decided to rent a little house near campus. After twenty years and numerous moves, that poor love seat was in pretty sad shape. Mr. Hairball and I had been planning to replace it for several years, but every time we saved up enough money for a new couch, something would happen that required our "couch money". This summer, Mr. Hairball was offered an opportunity to make some extra money, and we decided that we would use some of it to finally replace the love seat o' doom.


Whoot! The boxes have arrived!! Where's my vanilla vodka and disco ball?


Crap, I lost the drill again!


Note the boxes and assorted crapola that has accumulated as I unpack boxes and shift everything else out of the way.

I'm pretty tired and my back is hurting by this point.

Done!


I love the hidden storage in the ottoman and under each seat cushion!

*Yawns* I'm pretty tired after putting everything together. I'll be lounging on the couch watching Kolchak: The Night Stalker if anybody needs me.

Gagstastic emails part XII- Department of Health/ Swine Flu update

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu.............




Ignore it.




It's just Spam.



*sighs* Just like this stupid email.





This is important information, please pass along to everyone!


It is too bad that the government is making this out to be more than it should but there are some symptoms that you should be aware of.



See the caution below.



Scary! If you wake up looking like this,





don't go to work or school, my gosh, don't go anywhere!


We hope you recover and soon.


*sighs deeply*


I know I've said it before, but I really don't get the point of 99.9% of forwarded emails. They are either:


1) Just plain stupid or mildly amusing at best.



2) Sparkly and filled with fake sentiment in an attempt to make the recipient feel guilty about not being absolutely delighted to receive the horrid thing.



3) Idiotic urban legends and or outright lies about whatever group, product, individual, etc... you currently dislike or have been instructed to dislike by the various people or institutions in your life. These emails can usually be disproved in a matter of minutes by the average ten year old with an internet connection.


Forwarding ridiculous emails as a way to "keep in touch" is like taking an old birthday card you received, scratching out the name of the original sender and writing in your own, cramming it inside a envelope that is too small, and then not putting enough postage on the envelope so the new recipient has to pay the mail carrier to receive it. As my late grandmother would say, it's beyond tacky!


Sincerely,

Hairball T. Hairball

Road Trip Part 3

Somewhere between Tatum and Roswell.

After we left Tatum, we cruised over to Roswell and had lunch at a little hole in the wall place called the Cowboy Cafe. Their sign said they had homemade pie and they had some veggies growing in their flowerbed. The people in the booth behind us were from Oklahoma, so they were getting the full tourist treatment. The owner made up some fried green tomatoes and other goodies for them to sample while suggesting places in the area they should visit. *grins* I had a green chile cheeseburger and Mr. Hairball had the ginormous Cowboy burger. For dessert we had some cherry pie. Most tasty!

Then we piled back in the car and stopped at the UFO museum.



Mr. Hairball contemplates a display.


Roswell is at 3573 feet, and this is where I usually start feeling a little sleepy. Traveling to New Mexico means that I don't feel my best for about five days as my body starts adapting to the drier climate and higher elevation. Drinking lots of water, taking some sinus meds, and eating lots of spicy food is what helps me.


This is about an hour west of Roswell. I am definitely yawning at this point!







Mr. Hairball took these two shots when he went with his grandmother to see where her childhood home used to be. I believe this is about 6000 feet. I didn't go with them as it was early in the week, and I was having enough trouble staying awake down in the valley!

During our time in Mr. Hairball's hometown, we basically just go from from house to house eating and visiting with all of his relatives. Most of his relatives all live in the same town so there's lots of people to see! My MIL made her wonderful New Mexico style stacked enchiladas, (this recipe looks similar to hers) and we ate until we were stuffed.

Unfortunately, my camera battery died so I don't have shots on the way back home when we reached the highest point (8000 feet) of our trip. We stopped and bought some cherry and raspberry cider in the mountains, and it was 77F in August! It was in the 90s down in the valley when we left Mr. Hairball's family so this was a most pleasant surprise. We joked about finding a way for Mr. Hairball to work in the mountains during the summers.

I'm all rested up and ready for another road trip!

2160.8 miles
15 days