"Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived."
-Jean Luc Picard

Thursday, April 30, 2009

There was a National Hairball Awareness Day and I missed it?!?


Temporary display of human and animal hairballs on display from April 25 – May 4, 2008

April 17, 2008, Washington, D.C. – The National Museum of Health and Medicine of the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology (NMHM) will commemorate National Hairball Awareness Day on Sunday, April 27, 2008 at 1:00 p.m., with a special presentation and hands-on activity for the general public. Visitors will learn why hairballs develop in the stomach and will have an opportunity to handle an actual hairball. The Museum is located on the campus of Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C.


Why would anybody want to handle an actual hairball? Should I be inviting people over when my two "hairball machines" do their thing? *shudders*

What happened to the music players?

First the bad news:

To those of you who were enjoying the music players I had embedded in my blog, I'd like to apologize for removing them. I've been unsuccessfully trying to keep up with deleting all of the 30 second samplers of music from the songs that were not authorized to play the full version in the embedded players. I hate listening to a 30 second sample of a song and I'm betting that you don't like it any better than I do.

Now for the good news:

You can still listen to the players, but you will need to follow the links to my page over at Imeem.com. You will need an Imeem account, but it doesn't cost you anything to become a member. When you get over there, take a minute to familiarize yourself with the music players. You'll see that you have a lot more control over your listening experience than you did when you were listening here on my blog.

Here's the link to my Imeem page.

Please let me know if you've having trouble over there and I will try to help you.

Hairball T. Hairball

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Spaghetti, Salad, Bread and Brownies

Yesterday, I made spaghetti and served it with some French bread, salad with a Balsamic vinaigrette, (not vinegar-ette, Sandy!) and some brownies for dessert. After seeing Anne Burrell make Bolognese sauce on her show, I decided to alter my usual recipe and try some of her suggestions.

Earlier, I had taken half a pound of smoked sausage out of the freezer and let it thaw in the refrigerator. (I had chopped it up before I put it INto the freezer.)

Here I am browning the sausage a bit. Then I scooped out the sausage, and placed it in the bottom of my crockpot while the chopped garlic had a quick turn in the skillet before joining up with the sausage. Then, I added 18 ounces of tomato paste to the skillet, and cooked that for a bit.

Once, the paste had a brownish-red color to it, I added 2 cups of red wine and 1 cup of water. I stirred that in and let it cook until the wine/water mixture had reduced by about half.

Then, I added poured this INto my crockpot on top of the sausage and garlic from earlier, and added three cups of water, some salt, pepper, a couple of bay leaves, and some dried Italian herbs. Yes, I do have basil growing in the Areogarden but, but Mr. Hairball has asked me to leave the basil alone for the time being. It seems I plucked off more than I should have a few days ago to make some basil-garlic vinaigrette. *sheepish grin*

I set my crockpot on high, and I left the lid ajar by about an inch so that the water could slowly cook off. I periodically added a cup of water and let it cook back down throughout the day. I fished out the bay leaves and adjusted the seasonings a bit before serving.

After I got the sauce in the crockpot, I made some French bread dough in my bread machine. After the bread machine finished its dough cycle, I shaped the loaves, left them to do their second rise, and baked them in the oven.

Mr. Hairball loves to eat crusty bread with just a small dish of olive oil for dipping. I forgot to take a picture of his bread plate so you could see the cut bread, so here's what it looked like on my plate of spaghetti. This bread would also make wonderful garlic bread!

I decided I wanted a Balsamic vinaigrette for the salad, so I mixed this up. The picture is at angle as I was trying to not have the cabinets reflected on the surface of the dressing.

It's just Balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, garlic, olive oil, and brown mustard. I used a 3 to 1 ratio of olive oil to vinegar, a tablespoon sized blob of mustard, four cloves of peeled garlic, and salt and pepper to taste. I buzzed in up in my mini-food processor till the garlic was pretty finely chopped.

This is Mr. Hairball's salad. He prefers mozzarella cheese on his salad unless it's a Caesar salad.

A few days ago, I made some brownies. Mr. Hairball ate them all and asked me to make another batch. So I made a double batch which will hopefully last until this weekend. This picture is of the first batch.

I based this recipe on one from Domino Sugar.

This is for a single batch for an 8x8 pan. It doubles nicely. Use a 9x13 pan if you make a double batch.

Brown Sugar Brownies

1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) plus 2 Tablespoons softened butter
2 eggs
6 Tablespoons Dutch-process cocoa (Hershey's Special Dark works well in these)
1/2 tablespoon (1.5 teaspoons) instant coffee
1/2 cup AP flour
1 cup whole walnuts or pecan halves

Preheat oven to 325F. Grease a 8x8x2-inch baking pan. In a large bowl, beat sugar and butter until fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time. Beat in cocoa, instant coffee, and flour. Spread batter in prepared pan. Sprinkle nuts over the top evenly. Bake for 25 minutes. Cool in pan and cut into bars.

The Pantry

In light of the Swine Flu outbreak, I think all of us need to evaluate the status of our pantries. Here's a great post on this topic from a simple living blog that I have recently started reading:

down---to---earth: Preparing for an emergency

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Gagstastic emails part VIII- Tater People

The original email had one animated potato and a link to follow. I clicked on the link and found the following text with groups of animated potatoes interspersed throughout . Think Mrs. Potato Head wearing sneakers, long eyelashes, red lipstick, and a black bowler hat. Wait! Maybe that was Mr. Potato Head?? *shrugs*

There was also the dreaded auto-start music which I truly hate.


Is that anything like pod people?

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Spec Taters".

Some people send stupid emails. They are called "Irri Taters".

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.They are called "Comment Taters".

People who play with knives are called "Decapi Taters".

Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.They are called "Dick Taters".

If you live near a nuclear waste dump, your family may be called "Mu Taters".

Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.They are called "Agie Taters".

I've fallen and I can't get up! Please call the "Resusci Taters"!

There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.They are called "Hezzie Taters".

People that like to crack their knuckles are called "Crepi Taters.

Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters".

The people who fixed my tires are called "Ro Taters".

Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.They are called "Sweet Taters".

Those prone to vertigo are called "Disorien Taters".

If you know any "Sweet Taters" send this to them!!

No Thanks! You "Gravi Taters" can have this crap!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Money Sucking Meals with Sandra Lee

Hairballs on the Carpet of Life
Money Sucking Meals premieres 05/10/2009
Hat tip to Food Network Addict for the video.

Sandra, that white top that buttons down the front isn't doing you any favors. Those horizontal lines on either side of the buttons? That means the shirt is too small for your chest.

Secondly, that shot of you at :30 has you cooking in what appears to be a wool suit jacket! *snorts* I get that it is TV and you are supposed to look nice, but cooking in a wool jacket!?! Prancing around the kitchen in dry clean only garments is just asking for trouble!

Please don't brag about your lame pizza. My Shrike friends could make a much better tasting pizza than you for the same amount of money. You are still using either whack-a-dough or the crust mix for your pizza, right? If you make your own crust, then you can put the extra money that would have gone for whack-a-dough towards your toppings and end up with a better pizza.

If money is really tight, then the number of meals centered around a large hunk of meat needs to be scaled back or even eliminated. You put a generous amount of steak on that sandwich. Unless you got that steak for a song, those sandwiches are going to be an expensive way to feed a family.

Are you going to teach your audience how to shop the sales, and the most cost effective way to stock their pantries and freezers? When to scrimp and when to splurge to get the most bang for your buck? Really?

In other words, I think your new show will provide lots of snarking material for Shrikes like me, but I highly doubt that your show will really help those who desperately need to cut their food budget and that makes me angry. Those people are scared and need help and someone like you is going to lead them astray. One day you are going to have to answer for that.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Banana Bunker

This product is designed to keep a banana from becoming bruised when left loose in a backpack, briefcase, etc... Start the video and advance it to 3:02.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Gagstastic emails part VII -The Death Poem gets translated into Engrish

Do you ever Google the name of your blog? It can provide some very interesting results. For example, I recently did another gagtastic email post and it seems that someone has translated my post.

Hairballs on the Carpet of Life: Gagstastic emails constituent VII superbly -The Death Poem

For those not acclimatized to this participation of my blog, I as a decisive usher be blind to my responses as if an annoying themselves has sent these anon to me and so my responses are directed at this annoying wonderful themselves. This is another corresponding that was received days a girlfriend. Read Alone.

as a law Especially the PoemThis sounds spotted.
I on whatever is at the deem on is colourful gull. If I compress to holler on that Elvis has been spotted in the deem on to depression the decisive loads of butter that is on Avernus then, I'm seeing Elvis! as a law The Poem is in locale of fact, unfortunately.

What?? Here's the link if you'd like to read the rest of this.

Edited to add: Sorry about the bad link, it should work now.

Flashback Friday!

For the month of April, Flashback Friday will feature selected music from the '80s.

80's edition- Female vocalists (and their hair)

Belinda looks so good in this video. I had this hairstyle myself off and on for several years during the blonde and red years. For you trivia buffs, the man in the video is her husband, and they have been married since 1986.

I did have some spiky hair during part of the 80's but, I never had a rat tail. *grins*

I've always liked Joan Jett's tough girl persona and hair!

I've always thought that Pat Benatar's hair was so pretty in this video.

I like Cyndi's hair in this video because she looks like she's having a blast and the wild hair just fits her.

I think it's safe to say that Cyndi Lauper dances in her kitchen and yells Whoot!

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I'll be back tomorrow and my Flashback Friday post has been in the queue for a few days. I'm really missing my cat who passed away right now so I need to take some time to grieve. She was a very good friend to me and the anniversary of her death is not that far off -H

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Gagstastic emails part VII -The Death Poem

For those not used to this part of my blog, I always write my responses as if an annoying person has sent these directly to me and so my responses are directed at this annoying fictional person. This is another one that was received by a friend.

Read Alone…..Especially the Poem

This sounds dirty. She wouldn't send me something dirty, would she? Hmm??

I believe what ever is in store for us will be for us.

I believe whatever is at the store is fair game. If I have to yell out that Elvis has been spotted in the store to snag the last package of butter that is on sale then, I'm seeing Elvis!

The Poem is true, unfortunately. Make sure you read the Poem.

Why do so many of these things think we have suffered a memory loss? I just read about reading the poem a couple of lines ago!

Kelly Sedey had one wish, For her boyfriend of three years, David Marsden, to propose to her.

Kelly, you are a very patient person.

Then one day when she was out To lunch David proposed! She accepted, but then had to leave Because she had a meeting in 20 min.

Oh wow! Something fabulous is about to occur to make Kelly a very happy woman, right??

When she got to her office, !!

Why does getting to her office require exclamation points?? Is Publishers Clearing House waiting for her with a ginormous check?

She noticed on her computer she had some e-mail's

Why does Kelly have "e-mail's" instead of emails?

This email business is just downright scary. For me, just the mention of email, clowns, eight track tape decks, Sandra Lee, or Jello pudding makes me break out in a cold sweat.

She checked it, the usual stuff

So poor Kelly had a whole bunch of sparkly animated stuff from sisterchicks who used emotional blackmail to try and make Kelly feel guilty so she wouldn't just delete them all and get on with her day?

(*sighs heavily after saying that big run-on sentence*)

Bummer! She seemed like a nice woman.

From her friends, but then she saw one That she had never gotten before.

You mean she usually gets the same exact emails everyday? How does she get any work done? Do they have some kind of code that if Bill forwards that email from '97 about the Johnson account that today it means the account with the purple unicorn sticker on the file?

It was this poem. She simply deleted it

*screams* NOOOO! You never, ever delete an email! You could become uber-wealthy from some kindhearted person in a country you've never even heard of.

Without even reading all of it.

Even worse! How will you be able to enlarge parts of your body that you don't even have, if you don't read all of the spam??


Oh!!! It was a dirty email and she could have spammed all her friends with it.!! Kelly, you are so dumb!

Later that evening,

She's not still at work? Somebody has got to make the doughnuts you slacker!

She received a phone call from the Police It was about DAVID!

David Soul
? I really liked him in that Salem's Lot miniseries. In fact I liked it so much that I bought the DVD. Everybody is invited to come over later and watch it with me! I'll make some popcorn on the stove with real butter, and I'll put some Dr. Pepper in the fridge so it will be nice and cold when everybody gets here. Whoot!

He had been in an accident With an 18 wheeler. He didn't survive!

That's a big fat lie! David Soul is alive and well!

Case Two Take Katie Robinson She received this poem
And being the believer that she was

There's lots of good things to believe in but, I've never heard of believing in emails.

She sent it to a few of her friends but Didn't have enough e-mail addresses to send out the full 5 that you must.

Katie is a LOSER! Katie is a LOSER! Katie is a LOSER!

Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball.

Katie, if you ask your doctor for the chartreuse and puce pill, you can lose that mask and start living again!

Later that night when she left to get to her car, She was killed in that spot by a Hit-and-run drunk driver.

Well, Katie was obviously a complete and utter loser who didn't even have five people to send the death poem out to, so why should we care what happens to her?

Case Three Richard S. Willis sent this poem out Within 45 minutes of reading it.

Richard, the TV people say for you to send me all your money right now. If you don't, the TV people will make you go bald, gain 100 pounds, grow hair on your eyeballs and smell like a jar of mayonnaise that has been left out in the desert for a week.

Not even 4 hours later walking along the street

Walking? What a loser! Everybody knows that your worth as a person is determined by the car you drive, expensive designer clothes, and a huge McMansion that you can't even afford to buy furniture for. Why should I care about this complete loser?

To his new job interview with a really big company,

Will he have a really big desk, with a really big phone, and sit in a really big chair at the really big company? As Ed Sullivan used to say, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a really Big SHEW!".

When he ran into Cynthia Bell,

*SMACK* Hey Cindy, are you okay after that loser knocked you over? I know a good lawyer that could get you a boatload of money off that loser!

His secret love for 5 years.

Richard you are King of the losers! Five years is plenty of time to hike up your drawers and tell ol' Cindy how you feel.

Cynthia came up to him And told him of her passionate crush on him That she had had for 2 years.

Oh Hell! Cindy, you are the Queen of the losers.

Three days later, he proposed to her and they got married.

Wow! That was one quick wedding. You don't think....nah!! Poor ol' Cindy didn't even have time to turn into a bridezilla. I bet Cindy's mom is still upset that she didn't get to do the whole fairy princess bit for ol' Cindy and blames you for it.

Cynthia and Richard are still married With three children, happy as ever!

Maybe so but, they couldn't ever admit if they weren't happy as the death poem would come knocking on their door and take them out.

This is the Poem

Oh Goody! I'll be dead soon so y'all can fight over my bath stuff, my DVDs, my silicone bakeware and the ice cream in the freezer. Be sure and feed my cats their Metamucil once a day, okay?

Around the corner I have a friend,

I have a hallway.

In this great city that has no end,

Your city is on a ginormous treadmill? How awesome! How exactly does that work?

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

I love it when weeks wear those little running shorts with the days of the week on the back.

And before I know it, a year is gone.

Who stole the year? Give it back right now!

And I never see my old friends face,

I think your city has a serious crime problem if someone had their face stolen!

For life is a swift and terrible race,

Did you know they made a reality show about racing around the world? It was about running from the cops or trying to get away from Donald Trump's hair or something.

He knows I like him just as well,

Oh, so you are not a loser like Richard and Cindy? Good for you!

As in the days when I rang his bell.

I try to keep things PG-13 around here so lets skip over the details, okay?

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

I really don't need to know the details. Let's just have the closeup of the fireplace and then the fadeout.

And now we are busy, tired men.

Too busy for bell ringing, we got it. Get on with the story.


I told you to get on with it!!

Tired of playing a foolish game,

I like Scrabble and Monopoly myself. Oh, and card games! I like crazy eights and gin rummy. Dominoes are also fun.

Tired of trying to make a name.

I love making up names! I'm Hairball T.Hairball online, at the doctor's office I'm Winifred Samuels Johnson, and Mr. Hairball thinks my first name is Sparkles. I'll call you Ridge, like that actor on the Bold and the Beautiful. He doesn't have a whole lot of range, but he can still kinda move his face and he doesn't have a trout pout like some of his co-stars so I guess he's alright.

'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Jim

Ridge, remember about the fireplace.

Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'

Ridge, look at the pretty fire in the fireplace.

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes, And distance between us grows and grows.

I saw this guy on Oprah once with this book he was hawking. I think you might find it helpful. He's Just Not That Into You.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

You live on an extremely long block!!

'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Jim died today.'

He read your telegram? Aren't they supposed to be sealed so the delivery person can't snoop? I think you should get a lawyer.

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.


Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Wow! You must have magicians living on your extremely long block! Is your car still there?


Yeah, go on...

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them.

Good advice! Also, don't be losers like Richard and Cindy.

Don't be afraid to express yourself.

Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.

Reach out, reach out and touch someone. Call up, call up and just say hi! I loved those old commercials didn't you?

Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.

Just ask Richard and Cindy about the time they wasted being losers.

Seize the day. Never have regrets.

Carpe Diem, carpe pizza, carpe ice cream,...

And most importantly, stay close to your friends

So they don't run away, because you are just plain scary!

and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Yes, they are the ones who made me afraid of email, clowns, eight track tape decks, and Jello pudding. Now, my fear of Sandra Lee has nothing to do with them. I saw the infamous Halloween episode with the cheesecake and the pumpkin pie, and I knew right then, that she was eight kinds of crazy.

You must send this on in 3 hours after reading the letter to 10 other people besides me

Oh wow! Your friends and family are gonna come over and toilet paper your house for spamming them with this crap!

If you do this, you will receive unbelievably good luck.

Well, once you get all that toilet paper out of your trees, you won't have to buy any for a long time and that's kinda lucky!

the more people that you send this to, the better luck you will have.

You are going to have oodles of free toilet paper!!

SMILE, even through your tears!!!!!

That's funny! My tears come out of my eyes and yours come out of your mouth. How deliciously odd!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Pizza, breadsticks, and pot roast

Some more recent recipes.

Pizza and breadsticks- I used Judy's recipe from Judy's Kitchen this time. Judy is going to be competing in a recipe contest this weekend so keep her in your thoughts and prayers as she makes her way to Branson, MO.

Earlier, I did some posts about whether garlic will inhibit the yeast action when added to pizza dough, here and here. I did add four cloves of minced garlic, and substituted 1/2 cup of semolina and a 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour for 1 cup of the bread flour. I saw in the comment section of her blog that someone had suggested replacing 1/2 cup of the bread flour with semolina flour.

As you can see from this photo taken of the dough after the second rise, I got an excellent rise with the addition of the garlic.

I used half the dough to make a pizza the other half I made breadsticks out of using the method that Rosie Hawthorne had suggested in one of her posts on homemade pizza

I topped the pizza with pepperoni and some breakfast sausage that I browned up earlier and packaged for the freezer. I want to try this again without the whole wheat flour and see how that comes out. Mr. Hairball liked this a lot.

Cola-Braised Pot Roast- The recipe calls for fresh rosemary but, I didn't have that so I substituted some fresh basil from our aerogarden.

I keep forgetting to talk about the aerogarden. We currently have nothing but basil growing as Mr. Hairball is looking forward to fresh pesto and emjoys adding fresh basil leaves to his salads.

Then I peeled a head of garlic and put the cloves, the basil, salt, and some olive oil in my mini chopper and buzzed it up until the garlic was finely minced and inserted this mixture INto the slits in the roasts. I used two smaller roasts because it's just the two of us and that way I have another roast for another day. After the second roast was cooked, and had cooled for an hour, I packaged it up and put it INto the freezer.

Garlic basil mixture stuffed INTo the slits. It's hard to not get the mixture on the surface while doing the stuffing.

The recipe calls for a dutch oven which I don't have so I used my cast iron skillet for browning the meat and making the gravy and cooked the roasts in the oven in a 9x13 Pyrex dish.

Browning the roasts before they go INto the oven

Making the gravy

If you are a diehard foodie you probably shouldn't read this next bit.

*spoiler space*

Last time I made mashed potatoes I based them on Anne Burrell's recipe. I had some leftover from that meal, so I froze them for another day. Now, when you defrost mashed potatoes they are going to be a bit watery so, I mixed in some instant potato flakes to thicken them back up. Instant potato flakes are a good thickener for stuff like that so I like to keep some on hand.

About to mix in the instant potatoes...

Mr. Hairball really liked this and talked about it for days. He even said he liked it better than his Grandmother's pot roast which is very high praise as she is an excellent cook.

Pie, cookies, and bread

Here's a quick post about some things I've made recently.

Lemon Pie-

I made a graham cracker crust and a double batch of Alton Brown's Lemon Curd and poured it IN to the crust and stuck it in the fridge.

Then later I made up some whipped cream and served it with the pie. It's not the prettiest pie but, if you like lemon then you will really enjoy the taste.

"Peppermint Bark" Chocolate Cookies- I first made these back in January and Mr. Hairball and his co-workers loved them. I made the softer version where you use all brown sugar instead of a 50/50 blend of white and brown. Follow the link to see the recipe and some pictures.

Bread- I make all of the sandwich type bread for my household in my bread machine. Here's the recipe I'm currently using in case anybody else wants an 100% whole wheat bread that works well for sandwiches. The recipe also has instructions for making it by hand, or in a stand mixer with a dough hook. Just click the picture to enlarge so you see the text.

For those of you in drier climates, be prepared to increase the amount of water. I've added as much as 1/2 cup of extra water on days when the daytime humidity here in Hairballville is in the single digits. I suggest cutting this bread on the thin side as it will really fill you up!

Update to Gagastic email part VI

In reading over the comments I got on this post, I think I need to clarify something. I was poking fun at myself and my older fictional recipient by using terms like "Epic Fail" or "The Internets". I'm 40, I know that I'm not up on the latest stuff that is going around and for me, that's part of the joke. *laughs* I saw a rerun of Frasier the other night, and the term 'buzz kill' was used on the show. My first thought was to wonder if anyone under 30 uses that term anymore.

I admit that I do get tickled at older people I know who say stuff like "so and so is in the jail", "I bought this at the Wal-Marts", "I'm afraid of the Internets", etc... I even have a relative who refuses to get an ATM card because he is afraid of computer viruses.

To these people, I'm young, hip, and tech savvy which is completely hysterical to me because I'm well aware that I am not on top of the trends of ANYTHING! Well, unless everybody starts yelling Whoot! and dancing in their kitchens, that is.*grins*

Live long and prosper,

Hairball T. Hairball

Monday, April 20, 2009

Gagstastic emails part VI

For those not used to this part of my blog, I always write my responses as if an annoying person has sent these directly to me and so my snark is directed at this annoying fictional person. This one was actually received by a friend of mine.

I was truly stunned that there was no sparkly, flashy, crap in this one that I needed to strip out before posting.

First up, learn to use the Bcc function in your email program. It stands for 'blind carbon copy' and the email addresses entered there will be concealed. Look, these idiotic emails get forwarded and unscrupulous people harvest the email addresses from them with the intent of spamming us all to Kingdom Come. I have occasionally been joe-jobbed which is another fun thing that happens as your email address floats around the Internet. Be a real friend and always use the Bcc function in any emails you think could possibly get forwarded. As Martha Stewart would say, 'Bcc is a good thing'.

Secondly, use the cut and paste function to strip out all the email addresses and comments from those who just hit forward and send this crap on to the next person.Reading all the "insightful" comments from people you don't even know is just annoying.

if you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.

I cannot believe the stupidity of some people. Email forwards do not foretell the future. Yes, sometimes it looks like one of these things is right but, it's nothing more than a clever trick. You want your future told, then don't mess around. Call the Psychic Friends Network.

Vivica A. Fox wouldn't lie to us!

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow?

I love how you so helpfully color coordinated the words for me. I'm always forgetting if red is the one that matches the color of the stuff that whizzes around in my veins. Maybe next week you can teach me why it's bad to take my toaster INto the bathtub.

2. Your first initial?

You've known me for how long? You don't know my name! You don't love me and think I'm extra super special and want to be my BFF and .... *wails incoherently like a wounded animal. Then grabs a tissue, blows nose and says angrily* My full name is Hairball Tiberius Hairball. *stomps off in a huff*

3. Your month of birth?

Once again if you were really my BFF and thought I was extra super special you would know that I was born in January.

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same gender as yours.

You are attractive but, I'm not ready to switch teams just yet. Thanks for asking though.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

You are so old school in your thinking. I bought a kit on "the internets" and I'm going to convert the shrike bus into a flying shrike bus! Whoot!

8) Do You like a lake or the ocean more?

Are you planning on sending me to sleep with the fishies? Why is your lake so brown?? Ewww!

9) Write down a wish( a realistic one).

I'm just going to ignore the realistic part of this as what fun is there in wishing for stuff like your milk not going bad before you use it up. My wish is that whoever makes up these idiotic email forwards would be staked out nekkid on an ant hill and made to watch this clip over and over for a week. *thinks for a moment* Oh crap! They'd probably enjoy it if all the other junk you send me is indicative of their taste.

When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)

I learned this phrase from some of my younger friends. I'm not completely sure I'm using this correctly but, I think it goes like this:



1.If you choose:

Crap I never picked a color so I guess I'm all the colors all rolled up INto one.

Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.

Oh sorry, I fell asleep there because I'm so lonely and unloved. What did you say??

Black- You are conservative and aggressive.

Just call me Leroy...

Green- Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

*raises hand* How exactly does one get a relaxed soul? I understand relaxed fit jeans, people relaxing their curly hair, and stretching out on the couch to relax but, my soul being relaxed befuddles me.

Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.

As opposed to random strangers?

Yellow- You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

My advise to all of you who are feeling low is: Never get drunk and cut your hair with pinking shears. Once you sober up, you will look like a idiot which will depress you even further.
2. If your initial is:

A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
Aww, isn't that nice? The email forward is trying to flatter me! Now where did I put those hip waders??

L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good...

3. If you were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
So I'm getting a divorce!?! Nobody told me!!!

April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sep:You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate

4. If you chose:

Black:Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
If you chose neither, we have a years supply of Turtle Wax for your waxing enjoyment. Tell us all about it, Monty.

5. This person is your best friend.

I'm in the doghouse now as the idiotic sisterchick rule says you must always select the sisterchick who sent you this drivel as your BFF! *grumble grumble* Now wait just a minute! You didn't remember my name or when I was born, so I can use that as emotional blackmail to make you feel like a total worm!! Whoot!

6 This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
8,675,309! If all my good buddies pool their resources, I am going to be drowning in gifts at Christmas and my birthday. First up, I want this and this. Let me confer with Mr. Hairball about all the details of a new computer and I'll get back to you! Whoot!
Edited to add: Okay, I checked with Mr. Hairball and he wants a Cray CX1 and with his selected options, the price is $ 19,200. It's so nice of all 8,675,309 of you to chip in on the computer of his dreams!

7. If you chose:

Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.

Hmm, 'Flying shrike bus' is not listed as a choice so I'll just make up my own answer.

If you chose: Flying Shrike Bus: You are incredible. Mere words cannot describe how incredibly fabulous you are. No other person on the planet is as gifted as you are. You are the smartest thing on your radioactive waste filled block!

*Singing loudly and off-key*

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

* Hairball realizes everyone is staring at her*

Oh, sorry! I got a little sidetracked there didn't I?

8. If you chose:

Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

What if you prefer to get drunk on vanella vodka and run through the car wash yelling Whoot! until the cops show up and ask you to leave?

9. This wish will come true only if you send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday.

*Pulls out cellphone, dials a number and waits for an answer*

Hello Mythbusters? I just wondered if you guys wanted a gagtastic email to blow up on your show?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Feedjit Foolishness

Lubliniec, Czestochowa arrived from google.pl on "Hairballs on the Carpet of Life: Pizza and breadsticks, part II" by searching for hairball machine.

If you want a "hairball machine" you need to do a search for 'cat'.

Shrike Bus vs. Kwanzaa Cake

Whoot! The Shrike bus bursts through a wall of flames, to smash Sandra Lee's infamous Kwanzaa cake to bits.

Yes, Mr. Hairball and I are total geeks who spent Saturday night playing with Gimp! *sheepish grin*

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sorry, dear readers!

Just wanted to apologize to my readers for not having a lot of content for you this week. I realize that I am the center of your universes and that each morning you leap from your snug little beds quivering with anticipation as to my newest recipe, rant, or video clip. LOL

Between a sewing project that involved doing some minor work on my sewing machine, and helping out some of my shrike buddies, the blogging (and reading of blogs) has been pushed to the back burner. Luckily, I did have some posts already in the queue like Flashback Friday so at least there was that!

Things should calm down next week so that I can finally get those pictures up of my lemon pie, and my bam-tastic version of Emeril's pot roast. Whoot!

Tell your friends and loved ones how you feel about them, dance in your kitchens, and yell Whoot! at least twice a day.

Your friend,
Hairball T. Hairball

Flashback Friday!

For the month of April, Flashback Friday will feature selected music from the '80s.

80's Edition- Remember when MTV still played music and you would stay up to watch the Headbangers Ball?

Quiet Riot

Sammy Hagar


Motley Crue

Twisted Sister

Have a good weekend everyone!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

More to come...

I've been working on some other projects lately but, I do have some pictures from a couple of recent recipes that I will do some posts about soon. Didn't want anybody to think that I stopped cooking or anything!

Gagstastic emails part V

WARNING: The following gagtastic email concerns the events of 9/11, death, and is religious in nature.

A man from Norfolk , VA called a local radio station to share this on Sept 11th, 2003, TWO YEARS AFTER THE TRAGEDIES OF 9/11/2001.

His name was Robert Matthews. These are his words: A few weeks before Sept. 11th, my wife and I found out we were going to have our first child. She planned a trip out to California to visit her sister. On our way to the airport, we prayed that God would grant my wife a safe trip and be with her. Shortly after I said 'amen,' we both heard a loud pop and the car shook violently. We had blown out a tire. I replaced the tire as quickly as I could, but we still missed her flight. Both very upset, we drove home.

I received a call from my father who was retired NYFD. He asked what my wife's flight number was, but I explained that we missed the flight.

My father informed me that her flight was the one that crashed into The southern tower. I was too shocked to speak. My father also had more news for me; he was going to help. 'This is not something I can't just sit by for; I have to do something.'
I was concerned for his safety, of course, but more because he had never given his life to Christ. After a brief debate, I knew his mind was made up. Before he got off of the phone, he said, 'take good care of my Grandchild. Those were the last words I ever heard my father say; he died while helping in the rescue effort.
My joy that my prayer of safety for my wife had been answered quickly became anger. I was angry at God, at my father, and at myself. I had gone for nearly two years blaming God for taking my father away. My son would never know his grandfather, my father had never accepted Christ, and I never got to say good-bye.
Then something happened. About two months ago, I was sitting at home with my wife and my son, when there was a knock on the door. I looked at my wife, but I could tell she wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door to a couple with a small child. The man looked at me and asked if my father's name was Jake Matthews. I told him it was. He quickly grabbed my hand and said, 'I never got the chance to meet your father, but it is an honor to meet his son.'

He explained to me that his wife had worked in the World Trade Center and had been caught inside after the attack. She was pregnant and had been caught under debris. He then explained that my father had been the one to find his wife and free her. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought of my father giving his life for people like this. He then said, 'there is something else you need to know.'

His wife then told me that as my father worked to free her, she talked to him and led him to Christ. I began sobbing at the news. Now I know that when I get to Heaven, my father will be standing beside Jesus to welcome me, and that this family would be able to thank him themselves .

When their baby boy was born, they named him Jacob Matthew, in honor of the man who gave his life so that a mother and baby could live.

This story should help us to realize this: God is always in control. We may not see the reason behind things, and we may never know this side of heaven, but God is ALWAYS in control.

Please take time to share this amazing story. You may never know the impact it may have on someone. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

*Big huge sigh*

First up, snopes.com says the story is fiction. Secondly, to a anyone who lost a friend or loved one on that day, the story is cruel as it implies that your fictional wife was worth saving while their loved one was not. I'm not even going into the whole thing with your fictional father dying but accepting Christ before his death. In my opinion, that was only put in this story to make the reader feel that you had suffered greatly and therefore deserved to have your wife spared.

I'm going off on a little tangent here.

One of the most cruel and unloving things a Christian can do to another person is to smugly quote: "God is in control" when the other person has suffered a devastating loss. Even if the recipient believes the statement is true, it provides little comfort to be sobbing and have somebody tell you that. I know for me, I hear it as a rebuke to buck up and be happy. Even worse is when someone tells you to "You should be happy because your loved one is with Jesus." *facepalm*

So here's the deal, you either keep your big, fat mouth shut or you say something like "I am sorry for your loss". Even those who believe in everlasting life, struggle with the loss of those near and dear to them. Let them grieve in their own way, in their own time. It's a hard enough process to go through without having to deal with "comforting" comments that provide little comfort.